Sunday, October 31, 2010

you saw a banana?! split!

This is not technically a billboard, but it was on the back of my bus ticket, so it *is* an image I saw on my way home: Ew, what bad taste fruit! (geddit?) As running away screaming "don't get fresh with us!" (geddit?) doesn't really shout "attitude", I take it the tag line is referring to Mr Banana.
So they want us to buy their products because they're made with dirty old man bananas?
Funnily enough, I have no appetite no more.
Though I guess it is a *flasher* banana (geddit?).

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

masterpiece

This is soooo bad that I'm in a fluster of angry delight!
A fourth form (year 10) creative writing class has taken over the marketing department of our National Museum:

"OMG" the class clowns said to each other (or whatever it is the kids say these days to express wide-eyed wonderment) "the wikipedia page on Picasso reckons people had sex before 1990! Well, it reckons he did, at least. That must be why he's so famous. This is newsworthy - let's mangle a few synonyms together into a really long sentence."
And so they looked up Roget’s thesaurus google and found that 'many', 'several' and 'prolific' were sort of related, as were 'interesting', 'revolutionary' and 'sensation'; also 'art' and 'work'.
Uh, kids:
1. Picasso was prolific; not his art nor his relationships.
2. How many works of art does a relationship need to equal, for Picasso to have been as prolific a relationship producer as he was an artist? 50 paintings for every lover? A painting a kiss? Are we counting sketches here? What about one night stands?
3. The first half of the sentence is only grammatical as a reversal of the phrase "His relationships with his many lovers and several wives were as interesting...". What you actually meant, I expect, was something different: "As he had many lovers and several wives, his relationships were as interesting..."
4. Why, if his relationships were as interesting as his art, was it the art that created the real sensation?
5. How can something non-revolutionary be as interesting as something revolutionary AND real-sensation-creating?
6. Does a New Zealand audience really need a generalised gloss reminding us that this guy was a real arsehole of a ladies man before they'll go see a picture by Picasso?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

abuse of seuss

Argh! The bank robots have kidnapped the good doctor and are using his recipes for our favourite childhood candy to lure us into their clutches:

They cannot completely hide their nefarious doings. The backdrop looks like the distopia left behind by rampant capitalist Lorax - who also controls the bank robots!
Dr Seuss once wrote a verse that went: “Mrs Van Bleck of the Newport Van Blecks/is so goddam rich she has gold-plated sex”.
I dare you to go and ask for one loan "for GPS please".
Well, they are wanting to take you places.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

morning glory

I once got kicked out of a flat for being too happy in the mornings. How insufferable I was in my salad days!
Now, of course, part of the problem of forgetting (gasp!) to put up this post last night is that it's morning-cotton-wool-head gal writing to you, not night-owl gal.
Coincidentally, this ad is all about mornings:

As with employment law, the devil writes the fine print:

Insufferable milk!? That clash and the doors slamming was Anchor getting kicked out of our flat.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

ambiguity

Let's talk about the thing that everybody thinks about but nobody talks about, society's dirty little secret, yes of course what I'm talking about (as if I need to spell it out) is: apathy.
I always thought apathy was bad, and action good. But then I went to a seminar where a student showed us pictures of bored, unsmiling models which mesmerised us into thinking that while high fashion capitalism was glamourising apathy, if we took the message to heart and started being as apathetic as possible, we would stop buying stuff and capitalism would collapse.

So is the answer anti-apathy or action-antipathy? Is it ambivalence? To paraphrase The Simpsons: Are we being ironic? I don't know anymore...

It isn't doing a very good job then.
After walking past the second sign at the top of Albert Park, I got hungry and walked down to the Korean place on Lorne St for a sweet $2 pancake. (Is the road to hell paved with apathy or good intentions?)
And what should I see but this:

The small writing says: "The simplest solution to everything is apathy".
It's true. But ousting Paul Henry and installing Len Brown is far more satisfying.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

common as bliss

Art on the street? Whoever heard of such a thing?


While the afterlife isn't a theme which inspires me personally (everyone knows it's candyfloss clouds), the idea of an artist exhibiting street posters is so revolutionary - even though it should be common-as-muck - that I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
ka\jf ljrg/lz.zmvl/x.dmv
that was me swooning all over the keyboard.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

officer zombie

So here's a bit of a self-challenge for moi... why did I find that military ad more offensive than I find this?:

Ok, so police don't kill people (unless said people are speeding and nobody does that do they) but the premise is the same: We've got this really important job where we need responsible, mature cool heads. Hey, kids, come do it - not because it's important but because it's exciting!
So yeah, that's problematic.
On a side note... hey new cop! Your first job is to find out who made this awful mess...


I don't think your brick zombie mate saw who did it...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

in a barbie world

Hoo, banks ads are the gifts that just keep giving. Until I started this blog, I didn't realise just how generous they were. Exhibit # 857:


I once thought about doing an excel spreadsheet course, so let's see if I can figure out the bank's equations:
where "grown up" = responsible: grown up (female child) = bad (reality) and grown up (male child) = good (fantasy).
So in the parents' ideal fantasy, their daughters would be infantile dependents!
Wait -have I got the wrong *financial product*?
Hmm, where "grown up" = having sexy times, grown up (female child) = bad (reality) and grown up (male child) = good (fantasy).
So in the parents' ideal fantasy, their sons would be having sex!
Urgh. ANZ!! How could you! Keep your filthy Oedipal minds to yourselves!
Yeah, stop reminding me, stalkers.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

desperado

He's made a career out of being provocative (NSFW), but is this really the attention and the clientele he wants?

Calvin Klein. Garments of choice for the pack rapist about town.